The Stuff of 2013: Hating The Walking Dead

If there’s one thing that unites everyone under The Little Red Umbrella it would have to be our hatred for The Walking Dead. Seriously. It’s awful, yet it’s one of TV’s most popular shows. And while popular doesn’t necessarily mean good (Two and a Half Men), the real pain lays in the fact people believe The Walking Dead actually is good. The phenomenon is Myth Busters-worthy but we’re going to save that show some time and discuss these points with you — and why we’re rooting for the zombies.

Lousy Characters:

Does anyone actually care if these characters live or die? No one is particularly likeable (except Daryl and Carol, both of whom who have been pushed to the background this season) and no character pathos has been built. Take Michonne for example. Sure she’s a warrior woman who would make Xena proud but what do we know about her other than she hates The Governor? She’s sullen and cut off and we don’t know why — two seasons in with her, do we even care? I’m more interested in how her hair always looks freshly done and how she doesn’t kill the annoying kids.

Speaking of The Governor, what the hell was with that shit? Did anyone actually find him scary or deserving of TWO stand alone episodes this year? He should have died in the Season Three finale and saved us all some really pointless slow shots of him staring at zombies stuck in the mud. The only good thing he ever did was rid us of Andrea forever — a character who lived and died by the D.

Lousy Pacing:

Season One was kind of great. It was scary, hopeless and moved forward at a momentum that kept us at the edge of our seats. Fast forward to Season Two and we watch the characters do laundry for several episodes with new, uninteresting characters. Are they really going through that many clothes? Was there a Southern Debutante Ball we didn’t get to see? It’s as if the writers were trying to recreate Little House on the Prairie and would only occasionally remember they were supposed to be writing a zombie show and throw in some gore so we wouldn’t notice they ran out of ideas. A few gruesome deaths do not make up for lack of story.

Speaking of which: the jail storyline quickly became much of the same. Thankfully they’re on the road again and not locked down (sorry) into a limiting storyline rut.

Takes Itself Way Too Seriously:

The overacting is one thing but it’s the self-righteousness of all the characters that truly makes it unbearable. Relax, Rick. Have a fucking beer already. Your varying accent and constant heavy breathing need a little rest. Even the most serious of genre shows throw in a few jokes here and there, and though we aren’t saying they should join the Zombie Circus or anything, it won’t hurt to give the audience a break from the grief. We don’t know about you, but if we were in their situation we’d be hammered a lot. It’s not as if there’s a cure for Zombieism; you might as well enjoy the little time you have left. Live a little, guys, because you’re going to die horribly and anti-climatically.

The Misogyny & Racism:

We wrote plenty about the show's startlingly old school politics back when we cared enough to bother writing Walking Dead recaps every week, so we're not going to rehash them all in detail here (but seriously, what in the fuck decade are we living in?)... To really get a sense of it, you're better off going back and reading everything Alex Snider wrote about it during the oh-so-slow train crash that was Season Two.

We'd actually be interested in hearing why in the world you like this show (other than the zombie make up and gore). Please help us see what you see below!


Find all of our "Stuff of 2013" posts here.


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